Grandchild Dreams - and Nightmares

Awaiting the birth of my first grandchild awakens me at night with concerns and worries. While I sailed through my own pregnancies, ignoring thoughts of any possible complications that could arise, they now fill my mind.

I tell my daughter and son-in-law their lives will never be the same once this baby is born, that raising a child is the most awesome and important work of anyone’s life. But I don’t tell them about Kingsley’s piece, “Welcome to Holland,” a reading I have shared with so many students, teachers, and parents. Nor do I tell them about the information on how parents adjust to having a child with disabilities, the research on the grieving process they go through. People ask about the child’s sex – do we know if it’s a boy or girl? do we want a boy or girl? I think, “I really don’t care” – all I obsess about is its health. Despite all the prenatal tests coming back perfect, I know there are no guarantees in life.

Then I move past my nightmares, and dream about a girl who could inherit her mother’s toys. Then I dream about a boy who would bring a new adventure and could also play with his mother’s toys. Then I dream about watching my daughter mother her own daughter. Then I dream about watching my daughter mother a son. Then I dream about a safe world that this child will hopefully inherit.

In the end, I know we will love, support and nurture this new addition to the family and bring out his or her potential, yet to be determined. It’s not really about having expectations; it’s about having dreams and hopes and knowing that those dreams and hopes will change over time as we get to know this real child – the very healthy baby girl born March 27, 2008.